It may not look like it when you look at the window in Sweden, but Spring is here. We still get snow but temperatures seem to warm up.
Spring is one of my favorite time of the year, it feels like a renewal of nature. It feels you are given another chance to renew yourself.
I always hated the idea of changing myself as I pretty much like who I am. Don't get me wrong, I am full of flaws, but you know what? I think flaws make a person.
I think people love you for your flaws not necessarily for your qualities.
I may be wrong but that is what I believe.
So I have been shallow for a long time when it comes to how I looked, How I look. I never judge others but I have always been very hard on myself and if you would ask Monster, he would tell you that I do effectively suffer from body dismorphia.
I think it runs in the family, without giving myself excuses, I have always been a yo-yoer. But since the last decade I really did let go. I chose to focus on " who i am on the inside".
Well guess what? People's attitude towards me also changed. Not for the better.
But that is not the reason why I wanna change and get back to old me. It is because I realize that I do not need to be chubby to be loved. That being chubby is not who I really am, which I always assumed was the case.
I can come back to being thin while, all in the meantime, not lose myself and not become a shallow person.
It has been decided soon 9 months ago. But now it is time to push it further.